I may be new, but I'm not stupid.

Being the new girl has its perks: pleading ignorance of policy when you fuck up, not being looked down upon for asking lots of stupid questions. But when you're new, people will inevitably try to use your newness to their own advantages. For example, one of the executive editors for the journal of which I am the managing editor keeps making requests for such items as: (1) a phone card, to compensate him for the money he spends conducting journal business on the phone (my solution would be for him to just shut his yap... if he weren't so damn long-winded, the phone bill would be cut at least in half); (2) a big, expensive statistical reference manual (under normal circumstances, ie, in a large, lucrative publishing house, this would not be an outlandish reques; however, the company for which I work is a small nonprofit organization that publishes nearly 50 obscure scolarly journals, some of which have readerships in the double digits... we can barely afford to pay our editors a stipend at all, much less provide them with extra crap).

Other less understanding business associates seem to overlook my newness altogether, blaming me for the mistakes of my predecessors. I have received numerous calls from angry authors complaining (whining) about their manuscripts being lost, the review process being delayed, etc., etc. All I can do is try my best to placate them, explain that the journal has been "undergoing editorial transitions," and ask them to "please bear with us as we catch up on the review process." What I cannot tell them is that I replaced a 4-month temp who replaced an 81-year-old woman who had edited the journal for 18 years who was also chronically disorganized and computer-phobic.

So here I am, attempting to clean up the mess I inherited while trying desperately not to make a mess of my own. For the time being, I am tempted to use the following as my automatic email signature:

"Yes, I am aware that I am not Fifi Fluffytail, the former managing editor of the Journal. I have taken over her position and am doing my best to remedy the unholy mess she left behind. Please do not bitch at me about any problems you have that predate my employment here (I began on the 26th of July). Please do not make ridiculous requests of me. I may be new, but I'm not stupid.

Regards,
Killy McKillerson
Managing Editor
Journal of Stop Being a Pain in My Ass"