The Citronella Candle Theory

I developed the Citronella Candle Theory (CCT) about a year ago in a slightly inebriated effort to explain my chronic lack of romantic partnership. It goes a little something like this:

Some people are like those blue bug zapper lights - they consistently attract partner after partner and then fry them to a crisp once they've had their way with them. Others, like myself, fall into the citronella candle category, skillfully repelling suitors like those assy-smelling citrus candles ward off mosquitoes. There is a gradiated spectrum between these two extremes.

I have yet to obtain any evidence proving anything contrary to my status as a bigass citronella candle repelling men and women alike.

I GIVE UP.