Fuschia penis pencil-topper...

Me: I just found the penis-shaped pencil topper that I got for free at the sex toy party yesterday. What the hell am I supposed to do with a penis eraser??

Red: I'm quoting you on that, but I don't know.

Me: The sex toy lady said that it would fit over a lightswitch, which I find even more disturbing than putting it on a pencil.

Red: Oh wow.

Me: Maybe I'll put it on my roommate's lightswitch and see what happens.

Red: That's what she gets for being straight!

Me: Exactly! Mwhahaha, she's TOTALLY getting a fuschia penis on her lightswitch!

Red: OK, that's it, I am saving this IM convo for future use... blackmail-esque.

Me: Great. I really should work on my self-censorship.

Red: But there is nothing quite like a fuschia penis.
...
Red: I mean, not like I would know.

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My study break tonight shall be a visit to Miss Red. She is sick, so I will bring her cough drops and hugs to make her feel better.