Okay, explanation time...

(OR Pity Party... poor me!)

I'd like to take this opportunity to selfishly complain, as I never get to do this in my actual day-to-day life.

I'm really tired of being people's back-up option. I'm good to hang out with as long as no one else better is available. And I would gain so much self-respect if I just stood up for myself and said, "No. Fuck you! I refuse to be your fall-back plan. You'll just have to find something else to do." But then I'd be alone with a lot of self-respect. And so I remain a doormat for people to wipe their feet upon and trample over time and time again. I listen to their problems, I give them advice, I entertain them, and they take these things that I give them and only come back when they want more. Where's the reciprocation?

This is why I don't open up and trust people... I get used. It's happened for as long as I can remember, and it reached its zenith when my mother started doing it. Now I've just come to expect it. I hate being jaded.

Maybe I should become a hermit.