Scary Mary

UGH! I went to Home Depot with my dad yesterday and saw a face I had previously hoped never to see again. Yes, it was Scary Mary (a.k.a. Fat Mary, a.k.a. That Bitch). She was my manager when I worked at Hell -- er, Office Max -- and she is one of the foulest individuals with whom I have had the displeasure of working. I hate stereotypes and try to avoid them, but she totally fit every fat-person stereotype I've ever heard (she's lazy and smells really bad). She had a perennial ring of that white-ish crusty crap around her mouth. You could always hear her coming, because she breathed (panted) heavily all the time, expelling her face-melting breath directly at some unfortunate soul, who was usually me. Somehow I always ended up stuck doing cash-office money-counting duty with Scary Mary at the end of every shift. That tiny room was not equipped to handle just her girth, much less the addition of mine.

She was super-mean, too -- petty, vindictive, patronizing.

Whenever she'd come up to the copy center counter and ask me to "check and see if the bathroom needs cleaning" (which, by the way, was SO not in my job description), I knew to avoid the handicapped stall at the end of the row, because there would inevitably be a poo-explosion all over the back of the toilet, courtesy of Scary Mary. (I'm not exaggerating; my former coworkers can confirm this.)

Plus there was that time she brought those Lays WOW! potato chips for the "Winter Holiday Celebration" (a bunch of pot-luck crap in the employee break-room) and put them in a bowl, so no one knew they contained Olean, which causes ANAL LEAKAGE. Half the store had to leave early, 'cause they had the runs.

The very thought of this woman makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

I'm never going to Home Depot again.