Some things never change.

It's strange how no matter how many years pass, no matter how much your circumstances change, some things never change.

I've spent several hours over these last few nights in the backyard, mindlessly, almost obsessively shooting hoops. I've been playing basketball for as long as I can remember, so the mechanics of it are second nature to me. Dribble, shoot, miss, rebound, dribble, shoot, swish. There's nothing quite like the sound of making a good, clean shot. The net makes a satisfying snap when the ball passes through it. When I play for fun, I play with other people. I usually only go solo when I've got a lot on my mind. I don't know if it helps me sort out my thoughts or if it helps me not to think at all. I honestly couldn't even tell you which I'd prefer. But there's something cathartic about it either way.

In high school I started playing ball in the backyard by myself to avoid crossing paths with my mother. I guess the physical activity also helped me vent my frustration. After Mom left and various other shit starting hitting the fan, I spent a lot of time alone in the yard, staring up at the night sky, thinking about everything. Not one for extended bouts of sitting still, I'd inevitably gravitate toward one of the ever-present basketballs strewn about the yard and start shooting. I'd spend hours pounding the pavement with that ball. There's something kind of soothing about the rhythme of a bouncing basketball -- predictable and completely under my control, even when the rest of my life feels like it's completely out of my hands. I'm sure I woke the neighbors (and my father) on more than one occaision with my incessant dribbling, especially those times I freaked out when bats would swoop down and attack the ball. I guess they thought it was a really big bug.

We've since moved to a different house in a different neighborhood (far enough away from the woods that we don't have a bat problem), but again, I find myself in the backyard with a basketball, shooting away, trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. Some things never change.