Hello, Shit... I'd like to introduce you to Fan.

A shitstorm of epic proportions is in progress as I write this. Here I sit, in an abandoned computer lab on campus, biding my time until the next bus arrives so I can get back to my apartment. There's a long story. Like to hear it? Here it go...

So yesterday my mom asked me if I wanted to go to the local theme park with her and the Algerian on Saturday. I was originally hesitant, because I'm graduating from college tomorrow, and I have 80 kajillion things to do. BUT she begged me and coerced me until I finally agreed to go. Fast forward to this morning. I wake up (early) and realize that (a) my neck hurts like a mofo, inexplicably and (2) I'm graduating tomorrow, I have shit to do, and yet somehow I managed to commit myself to an entire day at an amusement park with my derranged mother and stepfather. So I gracefully tried to rectify the situation: "Mom," I said, "I don't want you to take this personally. It's not that I don't want to spend time with you [a little white lie never hurt anyone], it's just that I'm graduating tomorrow and I feel like I have a lot up in the air right now, and I really don't think spending the day at an amusement park is the best use of my time. Plus my neck really hurts, so roller coasters are probably not a great idea."

*Cue nuclear meltdown of Chernobyl proportions.*

Mommy Dearest freaked the fuck out. She dissolved into tears and did that terrible "poor me" sad guilt-trip voice. And I got a little upset. Apparently I was making an angry face, because she then proceeded to YELL AT ME and tell me (and I quote directly): "You do not have the right to be angry at me right now."

EXCUSE ME???

I lost it. "THIS IS MY WEEKEND! I am graduating from college tomorrow. This is my last chance to see a lot of these people, and I'm not going to blow it!"

Then my stepfather came back and Mom disappeared into the bathroom because "I can't let him see me cry." Apparently he gets angry when she cries. This made me even MORE angry.

Fast forward a little more.

They decide they're still going to go to the theme park, but because my mother is neurotic, she refuses to drive anywhere unless she knows EXACTLY where it is, so she coerced me into driving them there and dropping them off, to return later in the day to pick them up. We got about halfway there when she told me to pull over, and we deliberated on the side of the road for a good half an hour about whether or not they should actually go. I told them that I could only pick them up at a certain time, which was apparently too early for their liking, so I finally managed to talk Mom into driving herself (we were in her car anyway). So I drew her as detailed a map as I could, and then I got out of the car and walked back to campus, where I shall remain until I find transportation back to my apartment.

MEANWHILE, I have no cable or internet at my place, because my roommate was paying for it, and when she moved out three days ago, she called the cable company and told them to cut it off. I'm not so web-addicted that I can't live without it for a week; the problem is that all the graduation information is being disseminated online. If it rains, the change of venue details will all be emailed or posted on the college's website, to which I have no access unless I drive to campus and hit up a computer lab (as I'm doing right now).

Long story short: my life is complicated, and it's going to be a LONG weekend.