The Men (and Women) In My Life

Okay, here's the rundown of all the players in my game of Life...

Family:
~ Dad - I've always been a daddy's girl. Dad and I are really close, and we can talk about almost anything. He's truly the greatest guy I know.
~ Martha - As of next Saturday, Martha will be my stepmother. She's a sweetheart, and she makes my dad happy, so I approve. She has 4 daughters, 3 grandkids, impeccable taste, and is an excellent cook. She makes the best potato salad in the world.
~ Mom - My relationship with my mother is complex at best, infuriating at worst. Long story short, Mom's pretty crazy... less so than she was few years ago... but she's still fuckin' nuts.
~ Napoleon - My mom's short Algerian husband (who doesn't speak a lot of English), whom she met online a little over a year ago. He immigrated, they got married, she found out he's a little unstable. Yay.
~ N - I always idolized my big brother (3 years older than me) when I was a kid. I still kinda do. He's off in North Carolina living his dream life as a musician.
~ S - My baby sister (2 years younger) has the innate ability to piss me off more than anyone else can. I love her dearly, and if anyone ever hurts her, I will beat them down, but she really does bug the hell out of me. However, I believe she's gonna be a really cool chick when (if) she grows up.
~ Julia - My eldest stepsister. Married to Smitty. Two daughters: Lily (8) and Mischief (5). One son: Baby D (1 1/2).
~ Margaret - The lone brunette among Martha's blonde daughters. She, like me, is the "responsible" middle child. She teaches 5th grade.
~ Sarah - Two years my senior and my youngest stepsister (by a few minutes). Anabelle's twin. Sarah works as a massage therapist, and I someday hope to use this to my advantage.
~ Anabelle - Sarah's twin. I used to play basketball with both of them in high school. This was waaay before my dad met their mom. Small town.

Friends:
~ Athena - My bestest friend in the whole wide world. We've been inseparable since we were 5. No matter how much time we spend apart, we always pick up where we left off. Goes to small, scary all-girls college.
~ Gwen - Another close friend from home (also goes to a different college). Fellow tall chick. Her house is THE place to hang out when we're all in town.
~ Jo - Buddy since we were in the "gifted" program together in elementary school. She's always been hella busy, but when I finally catch up with her, it's always worth my while.
~ Roomie - Fellow inhabitant of Ghetto Fabulous. Two years my junior. We were buddies in high school, she needed a place to live, and I needed a new roommate because mine graduated last year. She has somehow managed to (totally unintentionally) befriend almost every gay man on campus.
~ ExRoomie - Texan native. Graduated last May. Has the same real name as moi, which made fielding phone calls an adventure. She'll be heading off to Russia in December to teach English to kids.
~ Susan - We go way back. We hung out a lot in high school and both ended up in the same dorm here freshman year. She's a militant liberal and a double PK (both of her parents are Episcopalian priests). And she will drink you under the table.
~ Lynn - Susan's roommate. Amazing artist. Has extreme ADD. Token Asian (Vietnamese). Kindred spirit. We have a lot of personality similarities.
~ Angel - One of the sweetest people I know. Met her through Lynn a few years ago. She's getting married to the PERFECT guy in October.
~ Jezebel - My young, overachieving (ahem, sorry, driven), high-strung Indian friend. She graduated last May and is now attending grad school in Philly.
~ Beth - Close friend since freshman year, when we lived on the same hall in our dorm. Extreme Anglophile. One of the funniest people I know.
~ Hillary - Another friend from my freshman hall. A true southern belle and the most nuturing, motherly person I've ever met. She tried to teach me how to waltz. The results were frightening.
~ Theresa - Yet another freshman hallmate. She tends to be a little ditzy (clueless), but she really is a sweetie. She has recently gone total God Squad, so I don't see much of her anymore. I mean, it's not like I can compete with GOD. Jeez.
~ Violet - Beth's crazy... er eccentric... roommate. She can come on a little strong/opinionated, but she's a trip and a half, and she's always fun to hang with.
~ Skip - Editor in Chief of the school newspaper, where I too make with the editing. One of Hillary's housemates. Truly one of the nicest guys I know.

Utterly Confused (romantically-tinged/tainted relationships):
~ DQ - Stands for DRAMA QUEEN. This dude is the girliest guy I've ever met. He overreacts to everything and holds the most amazing grudges. If it wasn't scary and kind of annoying, it would almost be impressive. Has an inexplicable fixation on Stevie Nicks. I made the mistake of making out with him a few times last year (lonely, desperate, BAD). Now friendship is inordinately complicated and confusing.
~ Metro - Sweet guy. Metrosexual guy. Met him in my bio lab last year. Fellow massage whore (he also gives reeeeally good back rubs). He wants me that way. I'm not interested. I'm trying to hook him up with Roomie.
~ Zach - Law student. Guy I am currently "dating", a relationship about with I am a bit ambivalent. He's nice enough, but I get the feeling we don't have a whole lot in common, and he's so damn quiet/shy that conversation is like pulling teeth. Funny story: we met at Dragball last year. I was wearing a tie; he was wearing a little black dress.
~ Samantha - Bi/Lesbian/whatever-I-don't-know-but-she's-not-straight friend of Roomie. Lives across the street (lived in my building last year). Seems pretty nice. Flirts a little and seems interested, but I'm not.
~ Kiki - My current female crushlette. Met in random-ass music class last year. Cute, bubbly, hilarious, a little clumsy (she's been dubbed Spill Queen), straight, and totally unattainable. Woe is me.

That's everyone I can think of (and create aliases for) for now. This should eliminate the "who the hell is she talking about" factor in future reading. And it helps me keep everybody's fake names straight, because I'm half-retarded and don't remember stuff like that unless I have it written down somewhere.