Oh, it's ON now...

That's right. It's time for some last-minute Christmas shopping, Killy style. I show no mercy. I plow right through lines of indecisive people. I race people for parking spaces. I gesture inappropriately when they cut me off. I'm rude to annoying retail clerks who obviously have no idea what the hell is going on and seek to waste my precious, precious time. And if you don't have your little grubby paws on it first, I don't CARE if you had your eye on it -- it's MINE, bitch. HA!

Nothing like the holiday season to bring out the worst in people. Par example: my dear friend Beth has just instant messaged me from her home in northern VA.

Beth: So, I already want to kill myself, and I've been home for less than 48 hours.
Me: Sounds healthy... I know the feeling.
Beth: Killy, this is NO good. How are we gonna make it 'til Jan. 15 or whatever it is?
Me: I don't know, man.
Beth: Did you get shopping done at least?
Me: Um, not "done" per se. Started? Yes. I still need to figure out what to get my Muslim stepdad for Christmas.
Beth: Give him a baby Jesus doll that when you pull a string it says "I'm the son of God, ass." ... Sorry, it's the homicidal rage talking, I swear.

'Tis the season...