OMIGAWD!!

I am SO glad I blew off homework to go out for drinks with Zach! After I came out to him online yesterday, I wanted to see him in person and catch up on everything, so we met up at this bar across from campus. And who should show up but CANDYGIRL celebrating her 21st birthday! I (think/hope I) maintained my cool when I said hi. And after she and her friends went off to their table, I told Zach that she's the chick I've been crushing on. He was so amazingly cool with everything! He really is one of the most laid back, coolest guys on the planet, I swear. So we spent the evening alternating between serious conversation and trying to listen to CandyGirl's table. We talked about sex and sexuality, our current crushes, our families, our plans for the coming year (we're both graduating: him from law school, me from undergrad). It was one of the most open and honest and easy discussions I've had in a long time. And it was great, because we were both so straightforward about still being attracted to each other. Ah, refreshing honesty! And we both seem to be on the same page as far as not really wanting to do the "relationship" thing. So we're cool.

I wanted to wait a little bit before I drove home (tasty Woodchuck Cider!), so we walked around campus and talked. And we flirted and put our arms around each other. And after he walked me to my car, we hugged and kissed, short and sweet, and said goodnight. And for the first time after a kiss I didn't worry about where the relationship was going or what he was thinking... because, to some extent, I already knew.

And, just for a moment amidst my hectic week (month, year) from Hell, life was good.

It's not that I'm less confused, I think I'm just more okay with being confused. I'm embracing the confusion and running with it. I'll be sure to let y'all know when I run out of breath...