Goin' to the chapel of lurve...

I began my "weekend" by accidentally napping through my last Friday class AND work. I awoke around 5pm (aaaah!), threw some shit into a duffel bag, and headed off for NoVA. Nearly FIVE hours later, I arrived at Lynn's place. The drive should really only take about two hours, but there was apparently a HUGE accident on I-64, and I ended up SITTING THERE for two hours. I started counting the number of people who abandoned their cars in the traffic jam to scamper off into the woods to pee. I was mesmerized by the spinning rims on the Ford Explorer with Texas plates next to me, especially as the Explorer was obviously a piece of shit not worth pimping out. I rolled down the windows and blasted "Gay Boyfriend" by the Hazzards and sang along at the top of my lungs. I called the State Police THREE TIMES to find out what the FUCK was going on. I swallowed my rage at the jackasses trying to pass on the right shoulder. I am NOT a patient person.

Once I FINALLY arrived at Lynn's place, a bunch of her old high school crew (who were all in town for the wedding) joined us for Thai take-out, a few drinks, some pool, and making fun of Bush on the Tivo'd presidential debate.

On Saturday we went for brunch before the wedding, and Lynn's boyfriend, Jewboy, had to physically chase the waiter to get our check. We then joined up with the missing members of the crew at the wedding, and we all sat in the back row (so as to avoid the evil eye from the priest and the bishop... more on him later). The ceremony was beautiful, and the bride was gorgeous (as always), and the groom looked really nervous, and it all went perfectly. I felt a little out of place. But I wasn't alone. It was a Catholic wedding in a Catholic church. I am MOST DEFINITELY not Catholic. I'm surprised I didn't spontaneously combust when I set foot in the chapel! But I was in a whole row of heathens... not a one of us got up when everybody else was taking communion. I was actually sandwiched (along with lapsed-Catholic Lynn) between two Jews, which was kind of amusing. It was really funny to watch them when everybody busted out the kneelers (incidentally, I had no idea what was going on with all that kneeling business either). I just followed Lynn's cues. And then she leaned over and whispered to me, "Psst, Killy... see the bishop up there? Yeah, he's the one I yelled 'FUCK!' in front of at my sister's confirmation." All throughout the service I had Scott Weiland's voice in my head singing, "BURN, BURN, BURN!!!"

So after the ceremony, I was riding with Lynn to the reception, and she mentioned that it would be hilarious if wedding guests crashed their cars in the parking lot (apparently she's seen this happen before). Five minutes later, she gets a call from Ben informing her that Chris had hit Jack's (stationary) car. Uncontrollable laughter ensued for the next several minutes. We made fun of Chris for the rest of the evening. The reception was at an Elk's Lodge, the food was iffy, the DJ sucked, and the "open bar" was only open periodically (and the crazy old man bartender who looked like the old dude from The Wedding Singer put ICE CUBES in my white wine... WTF???), but the cake was awesome, and fun was had by all. I did some (bad) dancin' and made fun of the old people who were worse than me. I sweat like a MAN, because it was goddamn hot in that reception hall (ugh! I'm so uncouth!). And Lynn and I contemplated stealing the "Reserved for Exalted Ruler" sign from one of the parking spaces, but neither of us had a wrench handy.

After the festivities ceased, we all gathered at Jewboy's for pizza and movies (Walking Tall, starring the Rock -- HORRIBLE MOVIE -- and The Butterfly Effect, which was actually a LOT better than I thought it would be... and it kinda freaked my shit out). Then Lynn, NurseNancy, and I returned to Lynn's GINORMOUS house to crash. This morning Lynn's stepdad took us all out for brunch (free food = awesome), and I finally got to meet her much-talked-about mother, who's actually a lot more subdued than I thought she'd be. I have heard some CRAZY stories. Although Lynn was right about the couch pillows. Her mom is fuckin' NUTS about those things. They all have to be perfectly fluffed and IN THE RIGHT ORDER. Jeezus. Not to mention the fact that that woman is blingin' up a storm! Way to marry rich, Lynn's mom!

Anyway, after braving trecherous Beltway traffic, I have made it home alive and as well as can be expected. Just had some dinner and snuggled with my kitty so he doesn't feel unloved. And I TRIED to get Beth to come over and chill/talk with me, but she said she's "gross", so she doesn't want to leave the house. I'm kind of getting sick of that shit. She needs to stop avoiding me! GAH! See, I've been back for a few hours and I'm bitching already.

It's good to be back.