The (Wo)man in the Mirror

I'm starting to worry that I am becoming a caricature of myself. Don't get me wrong: I love making people laugh, and I firmly believe that it is important to approach life with a sense of humor. But I'm afraid that all people see in me is the awkward but well-meaning goofball. And perhaps it's my fault that they're missing out on the rest of me -- I've become so guarded that I don't even have to try to shut people out anymore. I've built up a wall of sarcasm and self-deprecation around me, and I'm too stubborn and scared to let anyone see what's behind it. What's even more terrifying is that I'm beginning to buy into my own bullshit. It seems easier to become what I've led people to believe I am than to allow them to see me for what I truly am, though it sickens me to think that I may never be taken seriously.

So I'm in the midst of a très clichéd twenty-something "existential crisis," which pisses me off more than I can say. And while I certainly don't harbor any unrealistic expectations of achieving ultimate self-awareness and finding a fulfilling life path at the age of 22 (or ever, for that matter), it would be nice for at least something to fall into place before I completely lose my mind and end up in a mental institution like Great Aunt Fanny (actually, she was institutionalized after she was swarmed by bees, which is totally unrelated to my present situation, but whatever).