this is how it goes...

I realized today that I've been totally putting off my life for the past couple of weeks. I've been so fucking busy I haven't had a chance to deal with anything not of the academic (and occupational) realm. Sure, I took occasional breaks from work, but those were more about not working than they were about actually taking time out to breathe and think about things of any relevance or importance in my life.

So after a long day (I drove C. to DC and back for a grad school interview... the return trip was during rush hour *shudder*) and a few beers, I've been doing some reflecting. Aside from my obscene workload, I've had a lot on my mind of late: illness in the family, inexplicably incurring the disain of one of my biology professors, weird tension with my dad, uncertainty pertaining to potential employment (and subsequent influx of much needed MONEY) next year, ambiguous ending of a quasi-long-distance-sorta-dating-relationship-thing that had (obviously) already been of dubious classification.

Today, as I finally had an opportunity to ponder such matters, I realized that perhaps I've become more jaded than I thought. I had back-burnered so many things while I took care of more pressing responsibilities, I thought that once I finally dealt with them they'd all hit me like a ton of bricks and knock me flat on my ever-widening ass. Much to my surprise, no such knocking occurred. Maybe I'm just too fucking tired to care anymore, but I really feel like these last few weeks have been sort of okay. I've been so busy I've had neither the time nor the energy to dwell upon the things that usually freak me out. I'm so often guilty of overanalyzing, worrying, and obsessing, and I don't claim to have completely shirked those habits, but I feel as if I've gotten to a point in my life where so much shit has happened, I either have to become more emotionally detached and lose some of my squishy sensitivity, or become crippled by an inability to move on and let go of the shitty things that happen.

And I have just realized that it is far too late (or is it early??), and I am far too tired, to be waxing eloquent about life philosophies and fatigue-induced epiphanies. I have also realized that I've taken a great many liberties with comma usage in the above post, but, dammit, I like commas, and I'm gonna use them as much as I damn well please! It's my blog, dammit! And besides, I'm pretty sure I could make an argument for the grammatical correctness of at least 80% of them.

And now I put aside any attempt at intellectual pretension as I say...

Fuck this shit; I'm going to bed.